“If such love exists…”

If such love exists, in your 70s, you would ask me:

“I’m all weak and shaky, but why do you still love me?”

And I would smile to you and say:

“Your kisses are still warm, your hugs still secure. And your eyes, they still sparkle like how they did before. We’ve grown old together, waking up to each other with a smile on the wrinkled face, walking down the modern streets with the same pace and dances together as the music plays. That’s all I want and all I need, you.” 

Love like this do exist, even if it doesn’t come to you yet, it will, someday. And before that, don’t just go wandering around complaining and cry over all the heartbreaks you’ve had, they’re not worth it. What’s yours will come in the future, but only if you try hard to reach for it. If you think you’re trying hard by giving your everything in each and every relationships, you’re still doing it wrong. Some things and some people are not worth the time and the love you gave them, so don’t cover yourself in blankets and take pillows as hugs when they leave. 

If love like this did happen to you but it didn’t last, don’t blame yourself for not making it work. It’s not all your fault. Because you loved as hard when you can, and it hurts you twice as deep too. When the feelings overwhelming and you felt like drowning, you just have to swim through all the currents. If you can’t, if it’s still pulling you back to where you were, then go back, hold you breath, and swim again when its over. Don’t try to escape from your feelings, it’ll never work. As much as you want to run away from them, they’ll still make you dive as deep into it. So face it. Until it doesn’t suffocate you anymore.

And through your ups and downs, its not getting through them that is your goal. It is to learn a lesson and improve yourself each time before reaching the peak, or else it will seem to be as far as they were before. All the pain, depressive throughts, they will repeat again and again, like a vicious cycle, getting you scars and leave you wounded. Before you search for someone who will love you back, love yourself first. Make yourself the person who, even you, couldn’t bare but to value and look up to. Until then, the right one will come eventually.